dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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