On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
