The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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