Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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