girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
