i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So vagazzling was a success
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
