there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
