Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
