Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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