worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
