made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
