I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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