I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
