Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
