If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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