and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
