So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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