Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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