how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
