if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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