we're blogging at a bar
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
