first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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