3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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