This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
