WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
