the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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