Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
