He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
