this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
