porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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