Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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