god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
