Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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