I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
