see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
