I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
