i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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