so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
