I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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