official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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