Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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