You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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