She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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