if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
