We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
