I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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