dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
