I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
