did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
