the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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